Grief

No one ever told me that grief felt so like fear. I am not afraid, but the sensation is like being afraid. The same fluttering in the stomach, the same restlessness, the yawning…
CS Lewis

This is how I feel right now. It is like a roller-coaster. You are strapped in, you are moving up a rickety rail to a gigantic plunge and there is nothing you can do about it. I’ve been fighting grief too long now…I’m tired and yawning. Part of me just wants to get the fall over with, and yet I’m stuck at the top. I wish I could just take the plunge, and yet some part of me has stopped the train and I can’t get it going…and I’m miserable because I know there are more rises and falls after this. The only comfort I can find is that I’m not the only one to experience this.

When Jesus saw her weeping, and the Jews who had come along with her also weeping, he was deeply moved in spirit and troubled.
“Where have you laid him?” he asked.
“Come and see, Lord,” they replied.
Jesus wept.
Then the Jews said, “See how he loved him!
John 11:33-36